© Copyright 2006 Smalley Relationship Center

“I’m trying this new communication method, but it’s not going too well.”

Effective communication is a complex business. If you go into it expecting things to flow easily and without a lot of effort, you’re just kidding yourself. I recommend that you adjust your expectations from “simple” to “complex,” especially in three key areas:

1. Expect problems and misunderstandings. Even the best communicators sometimes fail to understand others, or they fall short of making themselves understood. We’re all human. We don’t always follow through on what we know to be best. We don’t always use the proven techniques that we know work. Often we don’t even know for sure why we act or feel a certain way. Effective communicators expect problems and misunderstandings.

2. Expect that you’ll need a lot of patience. Effective communication takes time. You and the other person may not connect or get on the same wavelength on the first or second (or third or even fourth) attempt. Impatience can doom the goal of genuine understanding. Being in a hurry works against the commitment to care that is essential to all effective communication. How can you genuinely care for someone while you’re tapping your feet and reaching for the door?

Instead, relax. Be careful. Recognize that effective communication deserves patience and a deliberate attempt to understand not only the words being said but also the emotions behind the words. Slow down until you get that. It will make the communication much easier and much more effective.

3. Expect a lot of trial and error. People have different ways of communicating. While all of us can master and use a powerful set of tools for effective communication, the way we use those tools varies from person to person. We get the best use out of them by adapting them for our own style and personal bent—and that requires trial and error.

You didn’t give up on driving a car just because you felt a little intimidated the first time you sat behind the wheel, did you? You didn’t abandon your pursuit of reading when you choked on a few words from The Cat in the Hat, did you? You didn’t swear off all future attempts at tying your shoes when you bungled your first attempts, did you? Of course not. It takes trial and error to get good at any skill—and that includes the skill of communicating effectively.

You may make mistakes, but in the end the practice will pay off.

Will you keep trying, even when effective communication gets frustrating?

http://www.smalleyonline.com

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  by Camerin Courtney

Walking through my neighborhood the other day, I recalled a quote by Henry David Thoreau I’d recently read: “An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day.” Granted, it was 2:30 in the afternoon (I’m not a morning person), but I certainly resonated with the blessing component.

I felt grandness in being part of a long tradition of walkers. And not just walkers, but keen observers who recognize the hidden blessings in simply putting one foot in front of the other.

So I went searching for other wise words on the wonders of walking. I’ve listed several of my favorite quotes here to inspire you as well.

I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.—John Muir

Few people know how to take a walk. The qualifications are endurance, plain clothes, old shoes, an eye for nature, good humor, vast curiosity, good speech, good silence and nothing too much.—Ralph Waldo Emerson

Walking is a man’s best medicine.—Hippocrates

Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies.—Erich Fromm

The sum of the whole is this: walk and be happy; walk and be healthy. The best way to lengthen out our days is to walk steadily and with a purpose.—Charles Dickens

It is impossible to walk rapidly and be unhappy.—Mother Teresa

Walks. The body advances, while the mind flutters around it like a bird.—Jules Renard

The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.—Jacqueline Schiff

If you pick ‘em up, O Lord, I’ll put ‘em down.—Author Unknown, “Prayer of the Tired Walker”

The true charm of pedestrianism does not lie in the walking, or in the scenery, but in the talking. The walking is good to time the movement of the tongue by, and to keep the blood and the brain stirred up and active; the scenery and the woodsy smells are good to bear in upon a man an unconscious and unobtrusive charm and solace to eye and soul and sense; but the supreme pleasure comes from the talk.—Mark Twain

As these great writers note, walking can have a profound impact. Since you’ve now been walking for a while, what resulting blessings have you seen in your life? How have your regular walks affected you physically, mentally, spiritually, and relationally?

Blessings,

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This is such a good presentation on how changing one habit in your life, not using plastic grocery bags can make such a difference!

I am willing to reveal my total ineptitude of how to get you to the site by just posting its URL. Please take the time to view this production.

http://www.poconorecord.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080506/MULTIMEDIA02/80505016

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Hungering for personal growth?

Struggling with a chronic illness?

Searching for a dynamic study?

No matter how healthy or unhealthy we are at this moment, we know that just around the proverbial corner change crouches ready to pounce. And with any change comes unavoidable choices. As we assess our past, present, and future choices, we experience personal growth. When we apply God’s Scriptures to our daily situations and behaviors, we experience spiritual transformation. If we live our lives with knee-jerk reactions to our circumstances, the significance of our relationship with God diminishes through neglect. On the other hand, if we search for God’s truths, even while suffering constant pain, our spiritual choices become our lifeline. 

About the Author

While teaching elementary school for thirty years, author Jonnie Wright wrote innovative curriculum for both children and adults. She contributed to a national teachers’ magazine, received a grant in computer literature, and authored the Christian teachers’ workbook: Lord, What Do I Do With Sammy? Her daily struggles with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Irritable Bowel, Irritable Bladder, TMJ, and Burning Mouth Syndrome have led her to create the personal growth series: God’s Rx for Chronic Pain.Book One, The Silver Bullet ©2006, focuses on Jesus Christ being God’s prescription for the difficulties of chronic illness. Mrs. Wright provides supportive material for Bible study groups, called Good Tidings for Chronic Pain, across the U.S. She is retired and living in Rocklin, CA with her cat, Chatty.

Book orders before August 15st receive 15% discount and author’s autograph: jonnie@jonniewright.com

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5 Ways to Surrender Frustrations of Living with Invisible Illness

By Lisa Copen www.restministries.com

“But you look fine. Are you sure you’re as feeling as bad as you say?” “You haven’t really experienced chronic fatigue until you’ve tried to raise three children on your own!” “I think if you just got out of the house more and didn’t think about it so much, it may just heal itself.” “If you were serious about trying to get well, you’d at least try those vitamins I recommended. It never hurts to try.”

And the remarks go on. . . and on.

And it hurts.

You may be surprised to hear that nearly 1 in 2 Americans has a chronic illness or physical condition that affects their daily life. The range of diseases and included everything from back pain to fibromyalgia, arthritis to cancer, and migraines to diabetes. Oftentimes, one of the largest emotional stumbling blocks for people who suffer from illness is the invisibility of the pain. About 96% of illness is invisible. This means that the person who suffers from the chronic condition show no outward signs of physical pain or disability, nor does he or she use an assistive device like a walker or wheelchair. But the incredible pain each day can be disabling within the confines of the home.

If you have an invisible illness here are 5 tools to help let go of some of the frustrations:

[1] Let go of expectations. This may be a life-long process, but you will consistently find that people will always disappoint you, as no one is perfect-including you! Remember, you don’t understand the difficulties that your friends are going through, whether it’s a divorce, the death of a loved one, a loss job, an ill child, etc. Your illness is significant in your life. Even when people care, they still will have significant things going on in their own lives.

[2] Find supportive friends. If there is someone who is constantly belittling you or doubting your illness and he is beyond listening, let go of that friendship or distant yourself from that relative. Illness has a way of helping prioritize friendships and spend our limited energies with those that mean the most to us.

[3] Search for blessings in your life. Make a commitment to stop dwelling on how badly you feel, and instead search for ways to bring more joy into your life, even if it’s just appreciating the small things. What are you doing when you feel natural adrenaline kick in and give you extra energy? Most likely, that’s where your passions are! Bring more of these into your life. And don’t let your limitations stop you. For example, if you once loved to garden, now you could grow a few potted flowers or hire a neighborhood teenager to plant some vegetables and set up an automatic sprinkler system. If you want to aim high, consider starting a garden consulting business.

[4] Use your aptitude and talent for things you have a personal interest in. Too often we feel like the skills we learned in the workplace are no longer valuable. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to write children’s books or be a business consultant. Get involved in your community and do some volunteer or part-time work to continue to grow professionally. Rather than focusing on what others aren’t doing to comfort you, follow your dreams and give that gift of comfort to yourself.

[5] Encourage someone else. You personally know how hard it is to live with illness and to feel like no one understands. So take time to be vulnerable with someone else who is going through this. Whether you meet someone through an online group such as National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week’s message boards, or through your local support group, volunteer your time and expertise (yes, you’re an expert on living with invisible illness!) and use it to make someone else’s journey easier and you’ll find your own is more enjoyable too. Are you frustrated that no one at your church thinks your invisible illness is real? Rather than stop going to church, find ways to educate them, such as a column in the church newsletter or brochures about National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week. These say what to say/not to say to a chronically ill person.

None of us have the capability to force another person to change, or to make them care. But we can educate them and give gentle advice. We must also continue to work on ourselves, however, because you will find that even when you want to change it can be a real challenge. It requires discipline and motivation for a better life. You owe it to yourself to find joy despite your illness, and by focusing on how you can change your circumstances, instead of change other people, you’ll be much more rewarded.

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Friday, July 18, 2008
By: Kathy Longley

Thoughts of a vacation should conjure up feelings of excitement and anticipation—but when you have fibromyalgia, the idea of spending time in an unknown environment can cause feelings of anxiety and trepidation instead. Your head can fill with questions like: Will the food agree with me? Will the bed be comfortable? How many stairs will there be? Will I be able to manage the flight without too much pain?

If you find out about the area, do a bit of forward planning, and arm yourself with a sense of adventure, holidays can be immensely exciting and enjoyable times.

Here are some tips on how to plan a successful holiday.

Getting to Your Destination
By Car:

• After planning your route and working out roughly how long it is going to take you, look for suitable stopping places every few hours so you have the opportunity to stretch and move around to relieve stiffness and pain.
• If the journey will take more than five hours, consider breaking it up and staying overnight somewhere. It is better to arrive at your destination a day later feeling okay, than to have to spend the first few days of your vacation recovering from too much time sitting in a car.
• Travelling by car also gives you the advantage of taking as much luggage as your car can hold! You have the option of taking your own pillow, perhaps a comfortable mattress cover, food you like to eat, and as many pairs of shoes as you wish.
• Take audio books to listen to as you travel, keeping your mind occupied and helping the time pass more swiftly.

By Plane:

• Try to travel light. Use luggage on wheels—it’s easier to handle.
• Always pack essentials—like your medication and a change of clothing—in your hand luggage in case your suitcase is delayed or lost.
• Consider booking assistance at the airport. Navigating through an airport can involve walking long distances, and at the end of the flight you may be very tired and stiff; it is worth booking wheelchair assistance to help you get from check-in to the gate, and then from the plane to the luggage collection point. Simply ask when you book your flight.
• If you are travelling with your own wheelchair, remove the control panel, footplates, and any cushions, packing them in your luggage to keep them safe.
• To relieve pain and stiffness during the flight, ask for an aisle seat so you’re able to get up and move around every half hour. You can even do some simple stretching exercises while in the bathroom!
• Take whatever you need to make the flight more comfortable—for example, your own cushion, heating pads that heat up on exposure to air, pain relieving gels, etc.
• Try to drink as much water as possible to prevent getting dehydrated.

A Place to Stay
When choosing a place to stay, you need to ensure that is going to meet all your requirements. Phone your intended lodging to talk through your requirements with the manager or owners, rather than relying on information from the internet or a travel agent.

• Ask for a room on the ground floor, near the office, to avoid lots of steps and having to walk long distances.
• Ask about exact distances to places you want to visit, like the beach or local town, to help you decide if you will need to use public transport, rent a car, or take a wheelchair to help you get about.
• Check that the hotel restaurant can provide food you can eat, or ensure you have the option to self cater.
• If you are travelling with a wheelchair, ask for a wheelchair accessible room and find out what facilities are accessible in your accommodation complex. Check that the bathroom has a wheel-in shower.
• If you have a power wheelchair, you may need a voltage adapter to charge it up if you are going abroad, as countries outside the US often supply a higher voltage.
• If you have allergies, ask if they use feather duvets and pillows. You may need to bring a synthetic alternative.

Exploring the Local Area
Try to find out as much as you can about the local area before you arrive. You can often get maps and guidebooks from your local library, and of course the internet can offer a wealth of information. There is no point spending a lot of money on a holiday to find there is nothing you can do comfortably when you get there!

• Research the accessibility of local sites you wish to visit, either phoning or emailing to ask any questions you may have.
• Be selective in what you want to do. Don’t try to cram everything in so you become exhausted. It is important to pace yourself still and schedule rest times.
• Find out about disabled parking, whether you can use your disabled badge in that country, and what the rules are.
• Bear in mind that holidays can involve more walking than you are used to as you are unfamiliar with the area and want to see the sights. If you want to do lots of exploring, work out the best way to get about, either by bus, taxi, car, or perhaps a rented wheelchair.
• If you take a wheelchair on your trip, find out what buses, trams, or taxis are wheelchair accessible. The local tourist board should have this information and provide maps illustrating which routes you can use.
• If you have a wheelchair and plan to rent a car, look for the option of renting a small van installed with ramps. If this is unavailable, you will need to ensure that the trunk is large enough to accommodate your wheelchair and all your luggage.

General Tips

• Journeys can be long and tiring, so schedule a rest day after your arrival to allow yourself time to recover.
• If you are travelling across time zones, switch into your new time zone as soon as possible and then take your medication accordingly.
• Find out the best time of year to visit: often spring and autumn are the best times to avoid the crowds and the possibility of intense heat.
• If you plan to travel in the winter to a cold climate, ensure you have suitable clothing and remember that if you are sitting in a wheelchair you will get a lot colder than your more mobile companions.
• Most important of all, relax and enjoy the novelty and adventure of a new place. Take plenty of photos and display them at home to remind you of your achievement and that there is a whole world simply waiting to be explored.

—————————

This article was originally published in FMOnline. This free online newsletter is only available to registered members. Click here to register!

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Author Seeks Interview Subjects
Thursday, August 9, 2007

FMOnline, August 2007

The author of the critically acclaimed book, JUST FINE: Unmasking Concealed Chronic Illness and Pain, is now recruiting participants for a new resource that will focus specifically on the challenges of living with depression, anxiety and other mood disorders. If you are a mental health professional and work with the population who live with clinical depression, anxiety, panic attacks, OCD, post-traumatic stress disorder or other mood disorders, or if you are male and live with a mood disorder and would like to be profiled in this new book and share your story, challenges and coping tools, please contact the authors Sahar: sahar.abdulaziz@yahoo.com or Carol: writefaceforward@yahoo.com. To familiarize yourself with the format of this new publication, see previous book: JUST FINE: Unmasking Concealed Chronic Illness and Pain or visit: www.writefaceforward.com./

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Just Think,

You’re here not by chance, but by God’s choosing.

His hand formed you and made you the person you are.

He compares you to no one else -

You are one of a kind.

You lack nothing that his grace can’t give you.

He has allowed you to be here at this time in history

to fulfill His special purpose for this generation.

- Roy Lessin

(Roy Lessin is co-founded DaySpring with 3 other ministers and is currently one of its senior writers. For over 34 years he has worked in this Christian company with a ministry focus. Roy’s desire is for his writing to bring glory to God, to be inspired by Christ and to be used by the Holy Spirit in the encouragement of believers throughout the world.)

http://store.dayspring-store.com

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National ME/CFS Genetic Risk Factor Study Needs 400 Participants

ImmuneSupport.com

07-11-2008 Researchers at Tufts University, Boston, and the University of Illinois at Chicago are issuing a national call for ME/CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) patients in the U.S. to participate at no cost to them in a study to identify genetic risk factors that may be associated with the illness.

The study is designed to allow remote, home-based patient participation, allowing the broadest sample possible – with a target of 400 individuals, ages 13 to 64, with a documented physician’s diagnosis of either ME/CFS (‘chronic fatigue syndrome’) or mononucleosis.

• The first portion of the study includes a phone interview and free home-based blood draw – target participation 400 patients.
• The second part of the study will follow 40 selected ME/CFS patients and 40 healthy control subject over a two-year time period. These subjects will be interviewed by phone and submit home-based blood draws on three occasions during that period.
• Throughout, participants will be able to continue their current routines and therapies.

The study’s principal investigators are:

• Dr. Brigitte Huber of Tufts University and
• Dr. Renee Taylor of the University of Illinois at Chicago.

Both specialize in ME/CFS research and have been involved, for example, in studying the possibility that those who develop ME/CFS may be susceptible to activation of an ancient retrovirus in the human genome.

Contact Information
To learn more, contact Dr. Renee Taylor
Phone 847-207-7944 (office)
E-mail rtaylor@uic.edu

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