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The Benefits of Listening
When we listen well, we offer several positive experiences for our group members:

• Validation. According to Cloud, validation happens when a person’s reality has been seen as real and true for him. In other words, a group leader can validate a member by acknowledging that what he expressed is real and true for him. That doesn’t mean we agree with the person. That doesn’t mean we try to fix the person or make the situation better. That doesn’t mean we quickly give advice. After all, Proverbs 18:13 says, “He who answers before listening, that is his folly and his shame.”
• Empathy. Dr. Cloud writes, “Empathy occurs when someone feels that you really enter into his experience and reality.” To empathize means to listen for the feeling behind what is being shared, and then to simply reflect back what you have heard. And that’s the important part when it comes to small groups. You have to be able to express “I hear you saying … ” without adding a lot of spiritual meaning or connections or advice.
• Understanding. Finally, when we’re listening well, we seek to understand the person speaking. That means we have to intentionally keep our focus off ourselves. How many small-group leaders are tempted to respond to a moment of transparency by relating personal experiences from their own lives? But doing so takes the focus away from the person who just shared. Instead, we need to encourage more sharing so that we—and the rest of the group—can better understand. So ask questions that draw out more information. “What else happened?” or “Is there more?”

Joel Comiskey once wrote, “What you have to say as a leader is not as important as the thoughts of those present.” I’ve come to find that he is right, and that sometimes the best thing you can do as a leader is close your mouth and listen.

Janet McMahon is the Adult Ministry Director of Restore Community Church, a NewThing affiliate.

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International Study of Family Patterns in Depression, Anxiety, or Migraine - Seeking Participants
ImmuneSupport.com
07-20-2008
Researchers in a number of countries are collecting information from families - 2,400 adults and children of all ages, offering the opportunity to participate in lifetime tracking. Recruiting centers are located in the U.S., Canada, China, and Switzerland.According to the organizers of this NIH-funded international “Family Study of Affective and Anxiety Spectrum Disorders” – ClinicalTrials.gov # NCT00071786:

• It will examine how depression, anxiety, and migraine run in families. It will help in defining the risk factors for physical, mental, and health problems - as well as define ways that those problems may be prevented and treated.
• A broad range of ages among family members will be included to evaluate the patterns of how these disorders are expressed throughout people’s lives. Children of all ages will be included, and those ages 8 to 17 will be interviewed directly.
• A member of the study team will visit the participants at home or will do an interview by telephone to collect information.
• Participation will take approximately 3 to 4 hours.
• Children will complete questionnaires given by the research team as well as questionnaires that they will do by themselves. The questions will pertain to the children’s health, including physical and mental health and medical history, social relationships, problems, skills, and ways of dealing with important or stressful issues in their lives. These questionnaires will take up to 1 hour to complete.
• Health history gathered from adult participants will pertain to height, weight, exercise, and general function. Women will be asked about the use of oral contraceptives, estrogen, and progesterone. In addition, there will be questionnaires on personality and temperamental traits, that is, behavior and impulsiveness.
• Questions will also involve social intuition, family and other environmental factors, general functioning, and basic demographics such as ethnicity, race, socioeconomic status, marital status, education level, and employment history.
• Families enrolled in this phase of the research will be invited to participate in the next phase. There would be follow-up to evaluate the development of mood disorders, subtypes, and syndromes across the lifespan.

Recruiting Centers are located in the US, Canada, China, and Switzerland.

For more information and to review inclusion/exclusion criteria, see the study’s ClinicalTrials.gov listing http://www.clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT00071786

Contact Information:
National Institutes of Health Patient Recruitment and Public Liaison Office
(800) 411-1222
prpl@mail.cc.nih.gov
Mention study title “Family Study of Affective and Anxiety Spectrum Disorders,” and number NCT00071786

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 Traveling with Fibromyalgia: Tips to Make Your Vacation a Pleasure Instead of a Pain

by Karen Lee Richards, ChronicPainConnection Expert

Read Karen Lee Richards’s SharePosts

Traveling is supposed to be a pleasurable activity.  We all dream of relaxing on warm sandy beaches, curling up by a cozy fire in a mountain-top chalet, or touring historic locations.  Unfortunately, the harsh reality of traveling with fibromyalgia (FM) is that often, just getting to our destination is so stressful and exhausting, we spend most of our vacation in bed, trying to recover enough strength to make the trip home.

Take heart!  It does not have to be that way.  With a little pre-planning,=2 0you can actually enjoy traveling again.  Planning ahead reduces the stress caused by last minute rushing, essential items left behind, inadequate facilities and long lines.  Because stress frequently triggers a flare of fibromyalgia symptoms, planning ahead can be the key to making your trip an enjoyable experience.

Itinerary       

Evaluate where you are going and what you will be doing.  Do not set unrealistic expectations for yourself.  Choose a destination that you will be physically comfortable with.  If you are highly sensitive to cold weather, do not plan a trip to Alaska in the middle of winter.  If you have difficulty climbing stairs, do not plan a walking tour of historic homes that feature high porches and multiple floors. 

Be realistic about how much activity you can handle each day.  It is natural to want to see and do all you can with the few vacation days you have available, but if you try to do too much, you will not enjoy any of it.  Schedule rest periods into your itinerary that allow you to take a nap.  If it is not possible to return to your hotel at regular intervals, at least allow yourself time to sit down in a quaint cafe and leisurely sip your favorite beverage while your body rests and revives.  Make your first day a short one.  Avoid scheduling any sightseeing the day you arrive.  Traveling is tiring at best, so just plan to settle in, rest and maybe go out for a nice dinner.

If possible, plan at least one day of rest after you return home before going back to work or resuming other activities.  Although vacations are enjoyable, they can also be tiring. 

Hotels  

While most large hotel/motel chains have 800 numbers, it is worth the extra few cents to call the hotel directly to make your reservation.  This gives you the opportunity to ask specific questions about the actual facility in which you’ll be staying.  Ask for a room that is on the main floor or near the elevator to minimize the distance you have to drag yourself and your luggage.  Be sure to specify the accommodations you need (for example, wheelchair accessible, shower grab bars, smoking/non-smoking). 

If you find hotel beds uncomfortable, after you20check in do not hesitate to ask for additional pillows.  Or go to a nearby discount store and buy a foam “egg crate” mattress pad.  The added comfort is worth the few dollars it costs, and because it is so inexpensive, you can leave it behind when you go home.

Airlines  

If you are traveling by air, call the airline and tell them you are disabled.  Request a bulkhead aisle seat (first seat in coach).  This is the easiest seat to get in and out of and has the most leg room.   Allow yourself extra layover time when changing planes so that, even if the flight is running a little late, you will be able to make your connecting flight without rushing.  Ask the airline what arrangements you need to make to minimize walking in the airports.  Even if you do not normally use a wheelchair, request that one be waiting for you at curbside and at the gate of each stop on your trip.  Save your energy for sightseeing and other fun activities.  Get your ticket and boarding pass ahead of time to minimize the number of times you have to wait in line.

Use luggage with wheels, check m ost of your bags and only carry on what you absolutely have to have during your flight.  Lugging heavy bags through airports will leave you exhausted before you ever arrive at your destination.  However, be sure to keep all of your medications in their original prescription bottles with you.  In the event your luggage is lost, you will still have the medicine you need.

Roadtrip   

If you are traveling by car, plan to stop for a few minutes every hour or two.  Get out of the car, stretch and walk around a little.  Staying in any one position too long will cause you to become stiff, increasing your pain.   Plan your seating strategy.  If there is room in the car, make a bed in the backseat so you can lie down when necessary.  Try out a variety of sitting positions and note how many pillows you will need to take to keep you as comfortable as possible.

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There was a young man who was at the end of his rope.

Seeing no way out, he dropped to his knees in prayer.

“Lord, I can’t go on,” he said. “I have too heavy of a cross to bear.”

The Lord replied, “My son, if you can’t bear it’s weight, just place your cross inside this room. Then pick out any cross you wish.”

The man was filled with relief. “Thank You, Lord!” he signed, and he did as he was told.

Inside the room, he saw many crosses, some so large the tops weren’t visible. Then he spotted a tiny cross leaning against the far wall.

“I’d like that one, Lord,” he whispered.

“My son,” the Lord replied, “that is the cross you just brought in.”

from Barbara Johnson’s book, Humor Me

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DON’T MISS OUR DAILY ANNOUNCEMENTS
- SIGN UP HERE!

National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week is held annually in September and is a worldwide effort to bring together people who live with invisible chronic illness and those who love them.

We will soon announce our 20 telephone seminar topics and guests, which will be held September 8-12 (M-F) where you can call in and listen and talk to the presenter.

Our 2008 products feature out logo (see left).

If you are a church wanting additional materials to educate people about chronic illness, be sure to click here for tracts, brochures, etc. too!

Organizations are encouraged to educate the general public, churches, healthcare professionals and government officials about the impact of living with a chronic illness that is not visually apparent.

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Just as National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day does in May, September offers an opportunity to share information on fibromyalgia with family, friends and members of our community: it is Pain Awareness Month.

We hope that you will join in the National Fibromyalgia Association’s efforts next month to help bring awareness to this life-altering, chronic pain disorder. Several items are available to assist you on our website and in our online store—and remember, NFA members receive a 10 percent discount. If you are not a member, click here to join. Members also receive a full year of Fibromyalgia AWARE magazine. As an added gift: New members who sign up before September 30, 2008 will receive a free Fibromyalgia Awareness Bracelet.

Here are some ideas for ways you can take part in Pain Awareness Month.

Learn and Share the Facts
Spend a moment reviewing the current facts about fibromyalgia. The NFA’s Fibromyalgia Fact Sheet includes brief statements on a variety of topics, including diagnosis, symptoms, causes and treatment. The handout is easy to email to family, friends and healthcare professionals in your area. Click here to download.

The NFA’s General Information on Fibromyalgia brochure, available in our online store, is another educational tool that can be given out to others. The standard tri-fold brochure format can be easily slipped into a handbag or pocket and is the perfect size for mailing.

Conversation Starters
The NFA’s online store offers a variety of items that you can wear during September—and throughout the year. These items have been proven to be great conversation openers about fibromyalgia—whether someone approaches you to ask a question about what you are wearing or if you use the item as a lead-in.

Pin the Pledge to Care button on a shirt, baseball cap, office bulletin board, purse or other visible object. Do the same with the NFA Fibromyalgia Pin, which was custom-made for Fibromyalgia Awareness Day.

The Pledge to Care T-shirt offers a larger version of the button that can be seen from farther away. It also has the pledge printed on the back.

The Fibromyalgia Awareness Bracelet comes in our signature cranberry color in packs of five. Keep one for yourself, and give away the others.

Invite People to take the Pledge to Care
The NFA’s Fibromyalgia Pledge to Care, launched on January 24, 2008 at the National Press Club in Washington D.C., is designed to encourage others to join the NFA in its national advocacy efforts. Click here for information on the pledge and how your family, friends and healthcare providers can get their names listed on our online “We Care” page.

The Family & Friends’ Pledge to Care poster is also available and can be displayed in your workplace, doctor’s office, local hospital, med spa, community college, etc.

Send an eCard
A new eCard has been specially designed for Pain Awareness Month. The free card is available on our website, and can be customized with a personal note to the recipient.

Thank you for taking an active part in this awareness opportunity. If you are a member of the NFA, be sure to “Login” in the upper-right side of our website to receive a discounted price on store items.

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author unknown
I am now, probably for the first time in my  life, the person I have always wanted to be.  Oh, not my  body!  I sometimes despair over my body, the wrinkles, the  baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don’t agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend.I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying  that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so grand on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, or to be extravagant, if I choose.I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?I will dance with  myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 & 70’s, and if I, at the sametime, wish to weep over a lost love….I will.I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. For, they, too, will get old.know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved  one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car?But broken hearts are what give us strength, understanding, and compassion…A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.  So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other  people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day, (If I feel like it).

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Incredible short interview with Rick Warren,

‘Purpose Driven Life ‘ author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California. In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.

We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn’t going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you’re just coming out of one, or you’re getting ready to go into  another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that’s not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don’t believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it’s kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.

No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.

If you focus on your problems, you’re going into self-centeredness,’which is my problem, my issues, my pain.’ But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her. It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people. You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don’t think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease. So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72

First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.

Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor,  care for the sick, and educate the next generation.

Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God’s purposes (for my life)? When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, “God, if I don’t get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn’t put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He’s more interested in what I am than what I do.” That’s why we’re called human beings, not human doings.

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by  Gary Smalley
Editor, Smalley Relationship Center

Perhaps in your life, you still stumble over hurtful words you parents, spouse, or a close friend spoke to you—or negative words you have spoken to yourself. If so, these words fill your memory over and over, pointing you in a direction in life you don’t want to follow. Perhaps you fear these word-memories hinder your ability to speak words of encouragement and blessing to those you love.

If so, don’t lose hope. You need to learn more about the power of affirmation. You can begin to speak words that can lead to a new course in life. Horseback riding, navigation, and fire fighting—to use the images we all relate to—are all learnable skills. The key is knowledge plus practicing the skills. No one is born with skills. They are developed through practice and through learning from failing. We learn far more from trial and error than from waiting to be perfect.

Make a list of positive words or phrases. Begin using those on a daily basis. Look for things you see and hear in those around you that you can praise. Repair the hurt with those you have already spoken negative or harmful words to. Remember this old proverb; A humble spirit can even help the blind to see!

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.
- Ps. 19:14

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