Question of the Week
Week of 11/24/08

Q: My wife and I can share with each other for 30 minutes and walk away quite frustrated and unresolved with issues. We try, but get nowhere. What can we do to make our conversations more fruitful?

A: Most couples I work with spend too much time being understood rather than understanding. When it is about being understood, then it is about you. When it is about understanding the feelings and desires of others, then it is about them. Working to understand the issue from another’s point of view shows honor and respect.

Make listening, not talking the primary focus of your communication. During the time of understanding and listening, a good rule of thumb is to listen to what is said; do not react to the words used.

Listening communicates that you and the other person has something valuable to say; consequently, he or she feels valuable.

When you are really listening, you don’t need to tell anybody—it’s evident. You show you’re listening by body language, nonverbal responses using facial expressions and eye contact, and questions. Furthermore, you pick up cues or signals to give evidence of paying attention.

When you’re really listening, you focus your attention on the other person. Listening does not require attempts at problem solving. The essence of great listening is understanding the other person.

Good listening takes time. That’s why so few people practice it, much less master it. To the degree someone feels listened to, it’s to that degree he or she will grant you opportunities for communication. Who wants to talk to someone who doesn’t listen? For that matter, who wants to live with someone who doesn’t listen?

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Do you have a grateful heart?

These are clearly some of the toughest times our nation has gone through financially. Businesses, churches, ministries, and especially families are in crisis. But in difficult times, we can learn to cling to our most important relationships and not our things. Here are some suggestions for showing gratefulness to your own family and even in your relationship with God.

Blessings,
Gary Smalley
Editor, Smalley Relationship Center

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What is Multiple Chemical Sensitivity?

Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS) is a health problem where sensitive people– some studies show up to 30% of the general population– react unfavorably to very low levels of synthetic chemicals in the environment from things like pesticides, cigarette smoke, paint fumes, wood preservatives, photocopier fumes, perfumes and epoxy. Symptoms vary from fleeting to severe and might include rapid heart rate, shortness of breath, fatigue, flushing, dizziness, nausea, coughing, or difficulty concentrating (reference).

People with MCS are often call “canaries.” The name comes from an old practice of miners who took canaries with them into the mines; if the canary died from toxic air in the shaft, the miners had time to escape with their lives. People with chemical sensitivities are the canaries of the modern world.

But the truth is, it’s not just chemically sensitive people who are being affected by a toxic environment. The general public is being exposed to tens of thousands of chemicals that didn’t even exist until a few decades ago. Many of these chemicals, some found in everyday household products like cleansers and cosmetics, are known to be or are suspected of causing cancer, reproductive problems, developmental disabilities, and heart disease (reference).

People are raising a stink about toxic household cleansers, clothing and fabrics, electronics, cosmetics and personal care items, perfumes and fragrances, deodorizers, cleansers and soaps. The public is making smarter choices like non-toxic paints and building materials, organic gardens and foods, natural cleansers and fabrics, and electronics free from flame retardant. Until government and industry catch up with these progressive trends, the best course of action is to limit exposure and lead the healthiest life possible.

http://www.thecanaryreport.org/

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Food and Love: Evidence From Research
by Dr. Gary Smalley
01/08/03

Several research studies have demonstrated the impact that loving, caring, relationships have on physical health. Let me share just a few of those with you here.

The Rabbit Study

One interesting study involved rabbits. Scientists put groups of rabbits in cages, fed them high-cholesterol foods for several months, and then tested them.¹ For the most part, the results were not very surprising. Because of their poor diet, the rabbits had greatly elevated cholesterol in their veins and arteries.

All of them but the ones in the lower cage.

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We have entered the time-span known as “The Holidays” with all the expectations that go with the phrase. When we’re in pain, these next 40+ days are going to be especially difficult as we try to join in the traveling, planning, shopping, caroling, cooking, decorating, and relating to people we may or may not like. The gritting of teeth, the pulling out of hair, and the grin-and-bear-it strategies could work. The key, however, is to not over-do it–which is good advice and hard to do. Jesus said, “Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matt. 6:34 HCSB)

Living through the holidays with peace of mind is an attainable goal if we can keep our eyes fixed on the real “reason for the season.”So we can make our lists and check them twice, then give God all our “shoulds.” Watch as the Lord sorts out each day. We’ll be able to check off some list items every day, get more done using less energy, and maybe even experience the miracle of the season: “…Don’t be afraid, for look, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all the people: today a Savior, who is Messiah the Lord, was born for you in the city of David.” (Luke 2:10-11 HCSB) And, that very same babe arose on Easter Sunday so that we would “…have life and have it in abundance.” (John 10:10 HCSB) May we look back contentedly at these coming days and see the abundance of blessings rather than focusing on the disappointments. Our tomorrows will reflect God’s presence in today.Wishing you Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year all in one breath, Jonnie Wright

God’s online–all knee-mails answered.(sign outside a church in Bayonne, New Jersey)

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There’s No Question that 1 in 4 Gulf War Veterans Suffers From Illness Caused by Exposure to Pesticides and Other Neurotoxic Chemicals - Research Panel Reports

by Boston University School of Public Health
November 17, 2008

“The extensive body of scientific research now available consistently indicates that Gulf War illness is real, that it is the result of neurotoxic exposures during Gulf War deployment, and that few veterans have recovered or substantially improved with time.” – Research Advisory Committee on Gulf War Veterans’ Illnesses

Washington, DC – At least one in four of the 697,000 U.S. veterans of the 1991 Gulf War suffer from Gulf War illness, a condition caused by exposure to toxic chemicals, including pesticides and a drug administered to protect troops against nerve gas, and no effective treatments have yet been found, a federal panel of scientific experts and veterans concludes in a landmark report released Monday [November 17, 2008].

The Congressionally-mandated Research Advisory Committee on Gulf War Veterans’ Illnesses presented the report today to Secretary of Veterans Affairs James Peake at VA headquarters in Washington. Scientific staff support to the Committee is provided by the Boston University School of Public Health (BUSPH). The full report is posted at: http://sph.bu.edu/insider/racreport

“The extensive body of scientific research now available consistently indicates that Gulf War illness is real, that it is the result of neurotoxic exposures during Gulf War deployment, and that few veterans have recovered or substantially improved with time,” the report says.

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6O Million Americans currently have issues withBlood Sugar Control 1 in 4 American Adults has Metabolic Syndrome*Get in Control with Reliv’s GlucAffect^™A ground breaking formula ~ clinically shown to improve  Blood Sugar Management and Weight Loss

*If you have three or more of the following components, you may have MetabolicSyndrome:  High Blood Pressure, Low Good Cholesterol, High Bad Cholesterol,                                 Elevated Triglycerides, Fasting Glucose Over 100,             Men – Waist over 40 inches ~ Women – waist over 35 inches GlucAffect^™    WORKS In an eight-week clinical study of overweight individuals with moderately elevated blood sugar levels, test subjects taking four daily servings of Reliv’s GlucAffect^™ dietary supplement and participating in a diet and exercise program lowered their fasting blood glucose by an average of 30% and lost an average of fifteen pounds. That’s Reliv’s GlucAffect^™This revolutionary breakthrough formula brings together, for the first time ever, many cutting-edge nutritional ingredients, clinically shown to support blood sugar management, weight loss and promote overall health and wellness.  Reliv ~ the world leader in optimal nutrition Susan Bushell   916-784-6719

GlucaffectWorks@redshift.com

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I submit that Sears is an exemplary corporate citizen and should be recognized for its contribution. I suggest we all shop at Sears, and be sure to find a manager to tell them why we are there so the company gets the positive reinforcement it well deserves.

Pass it on.Decided to check this before I sent it forward. So I sent the following e-mail to the Sears Customer Service Department: 

I received this e-mail and I would like to know if it is true. If it is, the Internet may have just become one very good source of advertisement for your company. I know I would go out of my way to buy products from Sears instead of another store for a like item, even if it’s cheaper at that store. 

This is their answer to my e-mail:

Dear Customer:Thank you for contacting Sears.The information is factual. We appreciate your positive feedback.

Bill Thorn
Sears Customer Care
webcenter@sears.com 
1-800-349-4358 

Sears needs to be recognized for this outstanding contribution and we need to show them as Americans, we do appreciate what they are doing for our military!!! It’s Verified ! By Snopes.com at: 
? ? 
http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/sears.asp ? (shows the entire article)

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November is Bladder Health Month and a good time to learn more about how to manage bladder conditions like interstitial cystitis (IC) that affect millions of people in the United States. In support of Bladder Health Month, the Interstitial Cystitis Association (ICA) is offering a new, free, online educational fact sheet.

 
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Confrontation
 

Here are three principles that outline a way to gently confront. The other person is far more apt to receive your comments when he or she hears them expressed through these three principles.

1. Learn to express your feelings through three loving attitudes: warmth, empathy, and sincerity. These are common words, but what do they mean? Warmth is the friendly acceptance of a person. Empathy is the ability to understand and identify with a person’s feelings. Sincerity is showing a genuine concern for a person without changing your attitude toward him when circumstances change.
2. Learn to share your feelings when angry or irritated without using “you” statements and instead replacing them with “I feel” statements.
3. Learn to wait until your anger or feelings of irritability have subsided before you begin to discuss a sensitive issue.

No one likes to be criticized, regardless of how much truth lies behind the criticism. Whether, we are male or female, six or sixty, when someone corrects us, we automatically become defensive. Yet honest communication is vital to any relationship. These two basic truths appear contradictory. How do you honestly tell the one you love about something you find displeasing or aggravating without prompting, that familiar, defensive glare or indifferent shrug?

Lord, help me express myself in such a way that my loved one knows deeply of my love and admiration.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1

© Copyright 2006 Smalley Relationship Center

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